


toughen up (this world isn't kind to little things)

by spangel



Series: femslash february '16 [3]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Midnight on the Firing Line, F/F, Femslash February, I am incapable of writing fluff, POV Second Person, POV Talia Winters, because I usually write from Susan's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spangel/pseuds/spangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She says: <em>It's what you represent, </em>and you barely know her, but something feels wrong, something feels <em>different. </em>You are trained to ignore feelings like this but you feel <em>everything, </em>everything you've ever ignored bubbling up inside of you and <em>oh, </em>you could burst, you could overflow, you could look at her —  Her —  and say: <em>let me fix you.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	toughen up (this world isn't kind to little things)

"I just wanted to know if it was me."

 

She takes a drink of whatever-the-hell-she's-drinking, and looks away from you, something like —  _sorrow?_ — on her face. 

 

She says:  _It's what you represent,_ and you barely know her, but something feels wrong, something feels  _different._ You are trained to ignore feelings like this but you feel  _everything,_ everything you've ever ignored bubbling up inside of you and  _oh,_ you could burst, you could overflow, you could look at her —  Her —  and say:  _let me fix you._

 

There's a long, uncomfortable silence after you  _feel,_ and it's almost like she's reading you, it's almost like she's inside your mind, almost like —

 

"My mother was like you," she says. "A telepath. None of us ever knew, it was her secret since she was a girl. She was never trained, so she wasn't able to use it well."

 

"That's why we have the Psi Corps," you tell her, "to help telepaths. Bring out their talents and voice."

 

"Yes, I imagine that's what they told you."

 

It's true. The Psi Corps would never, ever lie to you. The Psi Corps would never, ever hurt you.

 

(It's true, it's true, it's true —)

 

All you can do is give her a sad laugh.

 

"Were you raised by the Corps?"

 

_Yes._

 

"Then you never had to make a choice. When they discover what you are, they give you three choices  — you can either join the Psi Corps, go to prison, or take certain drugs for the rest of your life. Drugs that inhibit your telepathic abilities."

 

"That's the law," is the only thing you can say. You know the law well, it is not a harming law. "Unregistered telepaths have to be controlled, in order to protect the privacy of others."

 

She looks at you and you want to fix her again. 

 

"Have you ever seen the results? They caught up with my mother on her thirty-fifth birthday. She didn't want to join the Corps... didn't want to go to prison... so they gave her the treatment. For ten years, a man in a gray suit came to the door once a week, and he gave her the injections. They were strong. Terribly strong."

 

She has the face of someone who has lost and lost and lost, but it is not a harming law. The Psi Corps do not cause harm.

 

(It's true.)

 

"Every day we just... watched her drift further and further away. The light in her eyes just went out bit by bit, and when we thought she could go no further, she took her own life."

 

She takes another drink, and you're feeling everything again.

 

"I'm sorry," you whisper, and you realize that a wound that deep can't be fixed.

 

"What happened back then is not your fault," she says, "but it's part of what you are, and you're just as much of a victim as my mother."

 

"I don't feel like a victim."

 

"No, and so far I cannot tell if that is good, or bad."

 

She walks away, and you no longer want to tend to her wounds.

 

She's strong enough, you realize, to do it herself.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "I need you be strong for us  
> So toughen up  
> Biko toughen up  
> Biko toughen up  
> This world isn't kind to little things
> 
> Don't you know that when you stand you stand up for the both of us  
> Remember that when the darkness looms" - "Biko" / Bloc Party.
> 
> IDK what this is. I just started thinking about Talia's thoughts during that scene, and yeah. Note: the dialogue might not be 100% accurate to what was said in the show, because I have sensory processing issues and there were no captions on the link I used, but yeah.


End file.
